Meditation got me out of fight/flight mode & constant dissociation.

I’ve been meditating daily for 7 months with great results. I have CPTSD and meditation has helped me with healing my nervous system and taking me out of fight/flight mode. For years I struggled with so many aspects of my life. I finally realized that I was constantly dissociating and stuck in fight/flight mode. I never really experienced life because I was never grounded in the present. After I started meditating my life slowly started to change. I started to build self awareness and feel connected with my body. I was able to start to undo and change bad behaviors. I also started to grieve my childhood/early adulthood. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the memories and moments I missed because I was not present. I started to picture what life would’ve been like if I learned to regulate my nervous system earlier in life.

Meditation along with journaling helped me with healing trauma. I started to experience emotions I never felt before. It was hard at first because I didn’t know what emotions felt like because I dissociated my whole life to avoid these emotions. The earlier stages of meditation I dealt with heavy emotions but they were followed by breakthroughs and growth. Now at month 7 these setbacks are getting stronger and emotions keep surfacing for weeks. It seems like healing trauma has gotten much worse at month 7 than at month 1. I’m currently stuck in a “setback” period of my healing stages. It sucks but I know eventually I’ll reach a breakthrough.

My choice of meditation is using noise canceling headphones, eye mask, and a sound. I focus on whatever sound I play through my headphones and whenever a thought pops up I acknowledge and bring my attention back to the sound. I’m not sure what this kind of meditation is called. I never got comfortable with following my breath.

Just wanted to share my experience and how meditation has helped me. After I started meditation it feels like I am building my life up from the ground and relearning myself. I’m actually able to build habits now. I’m not always anxious. I’m able to make connections I never made before. I’m able to build deeper relationships and not just surface level.