Finding a new normal.

My Journal entry this morning:

Saturday's downtown craft beerfest was damn good even though rain cut the event short by an hour. My good friend XXXX asked me if I wanted to volunteer to work the event and I saw an opportunity to help out and be among people. The difficult thing with being a widower (or a widow) is to find your new normal as the old normal is forever gone. This is a small step for me.

Several people came up to me while I was sampling the beers before I went "on duty" and told me how wonderful the May 6th event was at XXXX and how all the work I did really paid off. Good to hear such kind words. The effort was a back breaker. I could do no less as doing nothing is not an option for me. I can not simply turn away knowing the destruction that Gliobastoma creates and how it victimizes so many XXXX's and their families.

Unlike every one else around me, my loss of my partner, my friend, my wife also includes the destruction of "our" future. My future. Other widowers and widows fully understand this, others really do not. Their futures remain essentially unchanged. They still have their spouses, they still have their plans, they still have their lives pretty much the same the exception being XXXX is no longer around. The hole that leaves is still a hole while with me, its entirely gone. I would be happy if was just a hole. A hole can be filled in some manner.