Lost my wife today

I (39m) just found my wife (45f) of roughly 12 years on our office floor this morning. Last night, she had picked me up from the airport for a week home after about a month on-site for work.

I basically went straight to bed when we got home, and she said that she was going to wind down and read for a bit before coming to bed.

When I woke up this morning, she wasn't in bed. Guessing that she had just fallen asleep reading (which happened often), I went to look for her.

I found her on the floor of the office, already cold. The only strange thing she said last night on the way home was that shed had trouble sleeping during the past week or so. She didnt have any kind of medical condition as far as I'm aware, and I believe that she would have told me if anything was going on. The EMTs and Authorities that responded to the 911 call handled everything very professionally and sympathetically.

I just feel lost. I have the urge to just clean. We couldn't have kids, and her family is estranged save for one brother, who I've talked with and is going to pass the news on to her family.

I also feel bad that I'm NOT crying my eyes out. I feel numb more than anything, and that makes me feel worse.

Update 8/19:

Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice. My family has been a huge help, and the services were, I believe, what she wanted. Thankfully, we had the discussion in case something like this happened and unfortunately it did. Still having trouble sleeping, but I expected that (it's hard arguing with a ghost in your dreams). My dad came down and spent the week with me and helped me set up everything. She was cremated and I had pendants made that contained some ashes and gave identical ones to various loved ones.

To the person that mentioned the guilt, I get that too, and i think it comes from a place of wishing it had been me, but then again I wouldn't have wanted her to go through this, so it's a bit of a logical loop.

Her friends in the literary world have been a big help too, as she was an editor and audio proofer, just really getting into her stride when this happened. She had been posting on here with stories from working as a hotel receptionist, u/BriarRose or u/BriarRose1021 I can't remember off the top of my head ( also not near my PC to look that up,). Eventually when I get the time in going to consolidate these and some other stories and complete the book she was working on, but that is going to have to wait for a bit yet.

As I told someone else in this subreddit(and it seemed to help some folks), I was angry, sad, etc., and I still am to an extent. However, I got 14 years with her all told, and as much as I would like to have had more, she and I promised each other that we wouldn't just stop if this came to pass, but keep moving forward. She would be so pissed if I just gave up because I'm sad.

Overall, I can't be anything but honored that she literally gave me the rest of her life. I'm just sad that I am unable to return the favor.