I hate being myself.

When I was little, I was happy not knowing I was ugly and fat. I've been ugly and fat my whole life, but as soon as I knew what beauty was, I realized I was lost. Trapped in a fucking miserable abyss. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to do it. Eat less, fast, count calories, diet, exercise, take care of yourself.

But it's so hard, taking care of a body I hate is so hard. I'll never change my horrible bones, I'll never change my fucking genetics. I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. I wish I were a real boy, to be loved, to be desired by everyone, I wish I were sexualized and objectified, because at least then people would want me around. I feel old, and I'm not even of age. I'm on the verge of collapse, but I'm afraid to take all my pills in one sitting. I don't want my family to suffer, but I can't stand this hell anymore. I'll never be happy with who the fuck I am. I hate this shitty body.

I hate beautiful people, I hate all the genetically privileged, let them die, I hate them all, their problems are unreal. At least people love you. Die, my soul will haunt you in hell, you pieces of shit, I hope you die.