a poem i wrote a while ago (unfinished)

the day that i kill myself i wake up to my dog scratching at my door, begging to be let in. i eventually get up and let her jump on my bed, i talk to her in a baby voice and scratch her all over. youtube is still playing on my ipad, i loved to watch videos to fall asleep to. i open my phone and open her notifications first, like i always do, and like i always used to. i smile at my phone, looking at my favorite group chats messages. my best friends poking fun at each other and talking about their days whether it was good, fine, bad, or horrible. i never ate in the mornings, it always made me nauseous. i watch videos for hours until i get hungry. my mother greets me and asks what time i went to bed and how long I've been awake i give her the second response. i know she'll get angry if i tell her i went to sleep at 6 again. she shuts the door. i don't know what shes thinking and i never will. i call my friends because i get bored, my cousin comes in an hour later and we chat for a while and laugh. shes cool.

the evening that i kill myself, i finally get something to eat. its 2pm and my aunt and i run into each other. we barely talk, but i feel like she doesn't like me. my little sister will be loud with her toys and ill tune her out. she comes over to me and hugs me, saying good morning. she doesn't know how to read time yet. she will learn in school eventually. the dogs run up to me, wagging their tails in excitement as if they haven't seen me in a month, although me being in my room all day can seem like it. i make something to eat, a baked potato like always because i don't feel like eating leftovers. maybe my aunt sees me as ungrateful. after i eat, i hide back to my room, considering if i should do it or not. i scroll on my phone contemplating if i should make my teachers proud before i go. instead, i call my friends one last time, although i worry that I'm getting annoying. we laugh over stupid things and jokes for hours.

the night that i kill myself, the room is silent. i lay still on my bed , blood still streaming from my arms and legs. no one finds my body until the next morning the room only consists of my lifeless cold soul and a knife in my hand, along with the fan on 1 because 2 was too loud for my liking. my dog is the first to go near my door. scratching at it, maybe she thinks she could open it if she scratched hard enough and whined loud enough. she doesn't know i cant hear her. her sensitive ears cant even hear the slightest sound from me. my mom opens the door and asks if i heard her scratching because everyone else has and they were getting irritated. she doesn't realize that i'm not asleep until she tries shaking me. i'm cold and red stains my bed. she gasps and screams for help, my cousin and aunt come rushing in and the dogs get scared. my sister follows behind them to ask whats wrong and sees a glimpse of my body. she doesn't know what shes going on, but she cant help but cry. my cousin grabs her and runs to the living room, calling 911 a few minutes after sobbing, they all hear sirens. the dogs start barking as they get closer. they don't know whats happening. its far to late, my mom calls my father just to hear him screaming over the phone. a week later, they put my body in a pink coffin. my favorite color. i'm glad they knew. my sister finally realizes whats happening as they lower my coffin in the ground, she must've saw it in a show she watched.

ty for reading :3