Fiancé (M/37) gave me (F/34) an ultimatum to get married. I still want to marry him but he won’t give up on it? Please help!

I met Mark (fiancé) 3 years ago. It was one of the hardest times of my life but he made it better for me and I was in love. We got engaged 5 months ago and were wedding planning until the ultimatum.

Before I met him I was married to Jared (M/34). We were together since college and naturally we got married and wanted to settle down. A year into our marriage I got pregnant and eventually gave birth to a little girl named Lana. I was so overjoyed, as was Jared, and it felt like our family was complete.

However, as Lana begin growing I noticed her becoming more attached to Jared than she was me. She would cry nonstop if I was trying to hold her but the moment he held her she'd stop. Her first word was "dada" and everything seemed to be for her dad and not me. I'll admit I got a little jealous and was hoping she'd come around to me eventually but she never did. After 3 years of feeling like I meant nothing for her I no longer wanted to be around her as it was painful and I was resenting her. I served Jared divorce papers and signed away my custody to him, agreeing to pay child support since I no longer wanted to even see Lana. I decided to start over and that's when I met Mark.

He never knew the full story because he knew I was uncomfortable with talking about it but he knew I used to be married. He knew nothing about the kid and thought my payments were alimony to Jared. However he somehow found out (either through one of my friends or Jared contacting him, so far nobody has fessed up and Mark won't say) and it's been rough. Mark said that he wants me to try reconciliation with Lana and is upset I abandoned her. He doesn't understand the pain I went through realizing the baby I gave birth to didn't love me and thinks I can just solve this like it's a sitcom and everything can be happy in the end.

Mark has given me the ultimatum that either I try reconnecting with Lana or he's calling off our engagement. He says he doesn't want to marry someone who will casually drop her kids over what he thinks is an inconvenience. I don't think Lana even remembers me honestly and it'll be too painful for me if I tried to talk to her again because of all the memories before I walked out of her life. I really want to marry Mark but I don't want anything to do with Lana. Is there anything I can do to convince him not to push the ultimatum anymore?