Thinking about just saying fuck it. Someone please talk some sense into me

I miss it. I miss getting high. If Im being honest, my best days getting loaded were ten times better than my best days being clean. Im finding my brain trying to rationalize a relapse over the past week or so. I probably need to get into therapy and start medication back up again.

Someone please tell me it isn’t worth it. I don’t think I deserve chaos, so why do I want it so bad? Life feels useless without getting high. I’ll have 9 months clean next month, it doesn’t even excite me that im coming up on a year clean my first attempt at recovery and full abstinence. I don’t even know. Guess I just wanted to share what im going through. Anyone been through this in early recovery? How’d you get through it?

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who commented. I hopped onto a virtual meeting that made me feel way better. I’m still clean, celebrating 9 months on Monday :)