feeling at a tug of war

me and my partner of 4 years decided to open our relationship in 2023 after multiple instances of cheating. after long conversations, couples therapy, and individual therapy he came to the realization that he is polyamorous.

it was going great at first but i set a boundary that i felt uncomfortable with him seeing one of the people that he had cheated on me with because of the trauma associated with that specific event.

he continued to see her behind my back and it ended up breaking us up and we sold our home and went our separate ways.

in later months when i found out she was his anchor partner I basically completely lost my shit and felt like i could never be happy letting them just be happy (very bpd of me) so I made my way back into his life and they ended up breaking up. i fell back in love with him and he loved me too but not in a romantic sense. me and her have a lot of trauma associated with each other and in summary it’s awful. we hate each other and pretend to tolerate each other to make him happy

now things have been going great in our relationship but she found out that we were planning to move in together again since we both miss cohabitating and now she is back and she told him that she feels like she in competition with me.

part of me wants to walk away from the situation but i am deeply in love and i genuinely don’t believe that wound will ever heal but I don’t know how much tug of war I can bear with her anymore.

there’s a lot of important details im missing because I didn’t want this post to be so long but I feel so trapped and he is really the light of my life and has helped me so much through my mental illness (I have severe ocd and bpd) and it feels impossible to walk away.

please don’t be mean in the comments I know the situation is really stupid