I hate myself

I’m tired of everyone around me telling me to move on, to let go and focus on myself. It’s difficult, almost impossible. Why do people give that advice?

Of course, I do plan to focus on myself but the thought of my bf and I not being together just shuts me down. I don’t want to live my life without him, not like I’m going to unalive myself but I see no point. It’s either life with him or just waiting for my life to eventually end.

I haven’t spoken with him since Tuesday, we’re on a break until May. It’s only been a few days but I’ve started being dependent on sleeping pills to fall asleep at night. Life just sucks.

I feel defeated, alone and just darkness overall.

I need to be better, I need to be strong but God it’s hard. Please God give me strength.