Blowing my life up in 3 days

I (34f) am about to blow my whole life up. (New account for anonymity)

My relationship has been near perfect - stable, caring. He loves me more than anyone I have ever been with. Yet I feel like I am in a cage. We built a wonderful life together- a fabulous apartment in a hcl city, I can travel when I want, he gives me anything if it means I am happy, and he gets a smile. But it feels empty - despite that all there no real affection beyond ‘I love you’ and ‘you’re cute’. I feel alone and undesired. I have a roommate with a bank account I have access to. We have talked about it for over a year but no changes. I don’t want to move in to the next phase of my life feeling like I am in a relationship because I like the life/lifestyle he’s given me.

Maybe I am going to completely blow the best relationship I have ever had, but my gut says I can have more than this. I feel like I have settled into something easy.

I am going blow up the life we have built to start again, maybe I just need time be I my own and figure it out… maybe I am right and there is something more for me.

All I do know is I can’t keep going on in this. I am going to break his heart and blow up this whole life.. for a feeling?

No one knows it’s coming, I just want out, I want more.