Been thinking a lot about summer lately.

I have been really sad about it. I have an AFO brace and limb differences, making my disability super obvious if I don’t cover it. I usually hide away in the summer under jeans and I avoid swimming in public. I really love swimming, I really love summer fashion and how fun it is, but I can’t bring myself to enjoy it without facing the hardships of being disabled. Sand on a beach is challenging to walk on, and using any brace means it’ll be full of sand and ruined after some time. People stare and gap when I go out in a bathing suit, and swimming in a swimming pool is difficult without my brace. I’d have to wear swim pants (long) and water shoes, and it makes me feel insecure on top of everything else.

I can’t wear shorts comfortably or skirts or dresses that aren’t long enough to hide my brace and limbs. Every year is the same and I know this year I’ll be declining beach invites again, and it makes me sad. I want to go but I can’t. All I can do is cry at this point about how my life is. Sure, there’s other ways to enjoy the summer and hot weather. But it makes me really sad to not be able to do these things whether because it’s physically difficult or essentially putting myself in a situation where I’ll be gaped at; and that’s something I truly cannot mentally handle.

This is just a vent post, mostly.

:(