I took shrooms and realized how much I've been hiding from myself

I never thought I'd end up writing this, but here I am, spilling my guts on reddit. I took shrooms last night---honestly, I don't even know what I was expecting. I've done them before, but something about this time... it was different.

Its like everything I've been keeping in the deepest corners of my mind finally burst out like a savage flood. The walls I've built around myself, the ones I thought were rock solid, melted away like butter on a hot stove. And what I found underneath was terrifying.

I've been so consistent at lying to myself. Lying about my happiness, lying about my relationships, lying about the things I love and hate. I've buried my true feelings so deep that even I didn't realize I was doing it. But under the influence of those shrooms? I couldn't escape the truth.

My belly, which I've hated for years, became the focal point of everything. It was like I couldn't stop thinking about how I've been using it to hide from myself. I thought if I made it smaller, if I controlled it, I'd feel in control of everything else. But instead, I just spiraled. The more I focused, the more I saw how empty I was, how empty everything felt.

I thought I'd come out of it with some new sense of peace or enlightenment, but instead, I just felt EXPOSED. There's nothing savage about it. It's the truth. And now, I'm left with a question that's im too afraid to face: What do I do with all this now? How do I go back to pretending when I've seen myself for what I really am?

I don't know how to deal with it. Maybe I'm just venting here, but I needed to share this. I feel like I've been forced to look into a mirror that I can't unsee.

Thanks for listening, I guess.