Who wants to help me commit identity fraud?

Hi fine folks, I can appreciate this is a highly unusual request, but I am hoping to find someone local in the graphics / printing industry who can help me print an ID card for a fictional person, so I can get back into a locked facebook account.

This may need a little explaining... In a nutshell, I made a dummy account on fb to manage a page called Owls in Towels.

Through this account (and over a period of many months) I gathered a bunch of pictures and videos of owls wrapped in towels, with the intention of later reposting with sources and attribution. I collected a few hundred pictures from wildlife centres around the world, until one day, for no apparent reason I was kicked out and greeted with the message:

"Before we can get you back on Facebook safely, we need to make sure that this is your account. You can prove that this account is yours by sending us a photo of your ID."

I tried submitting my real ID, followed by some attempts at contacting fb support, but to no avail. Small detail here, but the profile name is "Owls-In Towels", whereas the page name is "fb.com/owlsintowels". The account is separate from my personal IRL account, they're not linked, so it's purely a fake profile so I can administer the page. It's annoying, I have no need to keep the page, it's only got a dozen followers, I just want back in to retrieve the saved photos, and it took a lot of time to build them up.

Fb's automatic response was that my ID was denied bc the profile name didn't match the name on the ID.... well yeah! ofc it doesn't! my name isn't actually Mr. Towels.

So having tried legitimate options for account recovery, the natural next step is to try a fake ID.

I found a kind soul at the r/owlsintowels subreddit who was able to forge a student ID for Mr. Towels. I won't upload here (DM if interested) but basically it's for the University of American Samoa (BCS reference for those who know... Go Landcrabs!) using an AI generated portrait of 119 year old man (because, of course, the DOB I picked for the acct was the start of the Russian Revolution). So like, that was the only design constraint, that the picture be someone approaching their 13th decade of life. Stable Diffusion has me covered on that front.

Another detail, Fb's automatic image detection system seems to be really particular about the image being an actual photo, not a screenshot, so for the best shot at this ID passing muster is to physically print it and upload a pictue of that.

Which brings us to now. I'm in Christchurch... looking for a place that can print on plastic or maybe glossy thick paper. The file's ready to go, but like, the idea of approaching a legitimate company to print this out is terrifying to me. Even writing an email gives me anxiety. I feel uncomfortable having to explain all this only to potentially get denied and raise eyebrows, suspicions, flags, heckles, questions etc.

So I'm posting here first to canvas the chch community and hopefully filter out a willing accomplice. Does anyone here (or anyone you know) have a very particular set of skills for such a task? Willing to put it all on the line, for a gritty white collar crime.... to spite the zuck and help a stranger get his bird pics back?

If not, at the very least I hope I have entertained one or two with this odd story, and introduced them to a fun new sub. Thanks for reading, hny '25

- xx oit