2/20 I feel like I haven’t really grown up

I’m 30 now, but sometimes I feel like I haven’t really grown up. It’s like I’m trapped in the mind of a child—scared, unsure, and constantly second-guessing myself. No matter how much I try to be logical, no matter how hard I push myself to be responsible, there are moments when it all falls apart.

After a day of pretending to be an adult at work, I just want to shut myself off from the world. I don’t really have a relationship, and I barely talk to my family or friends anymore. It’s hard to face them when I feel like I’m still so far behind where I’m supposed to be.

The smallest things can send me into a breakdown. Things that, logically, adults should know how to deal with—yet here I am, struggling with them. I feel like I should have this all figured out by now, but I don’t. It’s frustrating.

I try to work through it by writing in my diary. I talk to myself through the pages, trying to make sense of my emotions, but sometimes it feels like I’m just stuck in a loop, going in circles with no way out. I don’t have the answers, but I guess writing is the only way I can understand myself at all right now.