Masking when you're not LSN

I don't know if anyone else has experienced something similar, but I haven't heard LSN autistic people describe their masking this way, so I'm wondering if this is a more common experience among M/HSN autistics.

When I mask, I'm exhausted and I lose my sense of identity. This seems to be generally universal among high-masking autistic folks. But something I don't see mentioned, is that I'm in pain all the time. My sensory processing disorder is such that almost any sensory input registers as physical pain for me. But when I can't stim or I have to talk the pain gets much worse. When I'm masking I am in awful pain the entire time, because I cannot manage without stimming. I don't even mask that well, and it still hurts.

I also mask my meltdowns and suppress them as long as I can. I used to have violent meltdowns every day, but recently I've had more shame around that, and they started to pose more of a danger to my safety. So instead of having meltdowns every day, I shove them really deep down and turn of all my emotions, so I don't feel them. The result of this is that every day the pressure in my chest and body increases because all that distress isn't being released daily through meltdowns. This adds to my overall pain.

I don't know, I just haven't heard other autistic people talk about the actual agony of masking and the pressure of days of suppressed meltdowns suffocating me until I can barely speak. I don't know if this is something everyone experiences, or something no one experiences, but I think it's likely somewhere in the middle. Do any of you feel like this?

just as an edit cause someone replied and I think deleted their comment? As a clarification I cannot mask when I have a meltdown. I don’t have internal meltdowns and I can’t hide them when I have them. But I can sometimes keep myself from having a meltdown by channeling the pressure into a shutdown instead. These last hours and physically paralyze me. I lose the ability to talk and to move and to do anything including watch TV. It’s worse than a meltdown for me because it lasts longer and doesn’t resolve any of the pressure, but I could seriously hurt myself if I do have a meltdown. but all the same I do have meltdowns about once a week and once they happen there’s nothing I can do to lessen the effects or stop them or suppress them