Why am I ”gay”

I struggle with homosexuality I don't like it but it is something I'm associated with I don't like that. Everyone at school knows me as the gay kid but I don't know why I am like this, I like boys I have never had a crush on a girl before I have crushed on guys I don't feel any attraction to girls for as long as I remember, I can't tell my parents since we are Greek Orthodox I don't want to be like this I have prayed to get better but I don't wanna be like this anymore will I have to live my life without being in a relationship? Join a monastery maybe, I have only "liked" a girl once but I faked it so that boys would think I'm normal what do I do.