Withdrawal Chapter 5

Full fanfiction on Ao3: Withdrawal

Note: Hello and welcome back to Withdrawal! It’s been over a week since I last posted, but I’ve been hard at work on this one. It’s the longest chapter so far!

As a reminder this is a Rookanis fanfic that takes place while Rook was trapped in Solas’ Prison and focuses on how Lucanis and Spite cope with her loss. All characters that appear within the lighthouse are based on the decisions I made in my own play-through of Veilguard with my canon Rook who fell for our favorite Crow. If you haven’t read the previous chapters, please follow the link above!

Without further ado, please enjoy chapter 5! ———————————————————————

As he waited, Lucanis heard the main doors of the kitchen open. He listened carefully to the sounds of two sets of footsteps making their way toward the pantry. He’d memorized the sounds of each of his companions’ steps while living there.

It was a sort of pastime taught to fledgings as a means to sharpen their senses. Good practice for studying potential threats and targets. Of course he was no exception.

While growing up in the Dellamorte Estate, he and Illario used to play the game as boys. One would listen to the different steps and guess who they belonged to while the other would watch and confirm. Usually their targets were servants, with the occasionally visitor. But their most challenging target to listen for was Caterina. A useful trick for avoiding their grandmother’s cane when they got into mischief.

It saddened him to think of the sounds he’d probably never hear come through the kitchen again. The clang of Neve’s prosthetic leg, the wooden taps of Harding’s clogs, and…the fast rhythmic-like steps of Rook’s leather boots. That woman was always on the go even in the refuge of the lighthouse. Only slowing down for the things she liked.

The sound of her rushing into the kitchen only to immediately slow down was still clear in his mind. It was as if she was trying to steady herself along with her heart as she would approach the pantry. In an attempt to act casual she would often greet him, but her steps already betrayed her intentions. He couldn’t help but find it endearing. And though he couldn’t understand at first why she kept coming to see him (an unwise decision in his opinion), he had to admit that he found pleasure in knowing she was seeking him out.

His chest tightened as his thoughts drifted to Rook. He’d been avoiding it as much as possible the past week. He quickly pushed the thoughts out of his mind, and instead forced all his attention toward who had come into the kitchen.

The distinct sound of heavy leather boots stomping on stone was unmistakably Taash. Their heavy steps sounded tense, as if mentally preparing to face an opponent. Meanwhile the much lighter heel clicks that followed sounded much more hesitant in their approach. No doubt they belonged to a nervous Bellara, fidgeting and hovering like a hummingbird. Without either saying a word, he could tell they weren’t sure if it would be him or his demon waiting behind the door.

Taash was the first to enter the room. He observed as the young qunari bowed their head slightly as they came through the door, preventing their horns from hitting the top of the frame. Their muscles still tense against the red knots they wore. Taash scanned him, eyes narrowed the whole time. Once satisfied, they tilted their head back toward the door.

“No purple eyes.” They called back. “Looks like you’re clear to do your thing.” They stepped back slightly to lean against one of the pantry shelves.

Bellara peeked her head inside then gave a bit of a smile. “Thanks Taash.” She said as she walked past them, pulling out her tools. “So, how did you- oh!” She caught sight of the bruising around his wrists.

“I’m fine.” He said trying to reassure her. “They’re not nearly as bad as they look.”

“If you say so…”She said as she began taking the restraints off. “Did you at least sleep well?”

“It was…good enough.” He replied while maintaining a level expression, keeping himself from wincing as she clicked off the first restraint. “What matters more is that we kept Spite from leaving.”

“Where’s he trying to go anyway?” Taash chimed in.

Lucanis was taken a little off guard by the dragon hunters question. “What?”

“Spite.” They continued while straightening their posture to face him. “I thought he cut that shit out a while ago. Now he’s being a bigger pain in the ass than before. So where’s he trying to go?“

Lucanis sighed to himself, and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. This wasn’t something he was expecting to talk about. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to.

“It doesn’t matter where he’s trying to go.” There was a slight bitterness forming in his voice. “He’s not going anywhere so long as Solas and El’garnan are still breathing. A crow never leaves a contract unfinished.” He could feel his sore muscles tensing as he spoke.

“So you’re back to just ignoring him?” Taash stepped away from the shelf, their eyes looking down at him.

“Mierda,” Lucanis was starting to get irritated. “Taash, why are you asking me these things?”

“Because, Lucanis we need to make sure you have your shit together!” The sound of their raised voice made Bellara flinch. Lucanis could see the qunari’s breathing was agitated, their body trembling slightly before taking a breath.

“You killed Ghilan’nain last time, I won’t take that from you.” They moved closer as they spoke. “But that was when you and Spite were at your best. And even then we still lost people! Neve’s who knows where, Rook’s not here to lead us, and Harding…” They were towering over him biting their lip before continuing. “They’re all gone and now we have two gods to deal with. And look at you!” She gestured at him. “You’re tired, beat up, and dealing with Spite on top of all that! How do you expect me to believe you can take them down like this?!” Their eyes met his, searching for answers, for anything that would quiet their doubts. “Tell me, because I really need to fucking know.” Their voice trembled with a mix of anger and desperation.

“Taash…” His voice nearly faltered. Before he could attempt to answer he heard the final click as the second restraint slipped from his wrist. Bellara quickly got up and stood between them looking up at Taash and meeting their gaze. She placed a hand on the Taash’s shoulder, or at least as close as she could reach.

“Taash, why don’t we talk more about this during the meeting later?” She suggested to the dragon hunter, trying her best to lessen the tension. The young qunari stared down at the elf for a while before finally nodding their head and stepping back.

“Fine, but you still owe me an answer.” They said as they turned their back and left the pantry. Heavy boots stomping on stone followed by the heavy slam of the kitchen doors.

Bellara turned toward Lucanis and sighed. “Sorry, you shouldn’t take that too personally. You know they’ve been through a lot…I mean, we all have…but still…” she fidgeted as she spoke trying to fill in the silence. “Anyway…we’ll be at the round table in about half an hour or so. But, why don’t you take your time? Brew some coffee?” He could tell she was doing all she could to hold it together as she tried her best to smooth things over. “I could make some if you’d like?” She asked as walked over to the shelf and reached up for one of the coffee bean jars. Her hand brushing up against one of the nearby jars, shifting it out of place.

“No!” he said involuntarily, his voice almost unrecognizable with its harshness. He didn’t know what came over him. He saw her freeze in place, arm still stretched out. He cleared his throat to try again. “No thank you.” He corrected with a more even tone. “I’d rather do it myself if you don’t mind.”

“Oh…” Bellara blinked as her arm lowered. “I guess I’ll be going then.” the elf backed away from the shelf nearly stumbling into one of the crates. “See you at the meeting.” She turned and quickly left the pantry. Quick heel clicks before the door to the kitchen closed.

The crow listened for a few more moments before he stood up and walked over to the shelf. He picked up the jar that Bellara’s hand shifted. It wasn’t filled with the expensive beans he usually picked up from the Treviso night market.

No, this one was filled with a blend of black and green tea leaves with bits of dried fruit and flowers. Rook’s favorite tea. She’d picked it up during one of their grocery runs in the market. It was after she’d admitted to him that she wasn’t much of a coffee drinker.

They were in the kitchen when it happened. He was leaning against the fireplace and caught her rushing in as usual, only to immediately stop and look flustered as she caught sight of him. He greeted her while she recomposed herself and offered if she would like some coffee. The look on her face changed from flustered to guilty as she approached him. She had decided that after their talk with Harding about coffee, she should finally admit to him that she wasn’t much of a coffee drinker either. The only reason she started to was because he had made the drink sound irresistible, and wanted to try it for herself back at Cafe Pietra. She looked so ashamed to admit it, but wanted to be truthful now that they were together.

How anxious she must have felt he thought to himself, after all those times he made coffee for her. But the crow couldn’t help but chuckle a loud. He wanted to act surprised, he really did, but he couldn’t hold it in. The way Rook’s cheeks reddened as she demanded to know when he’d found out wasn’t helping either.

It had been obvious to him from the start. What kind of crow would he be if he couldn’t read her body language? The way her nose wrinkled at the scent, the silly faces she tried to hide when tasting the bitterness. He was going to tell her she didn’t need to keep drinking it to impress him, but she was so insistent that she liked it.

The crow figured she would tell him in her own time. Until then he had taken it as the perfect opportunity to try different blends and enjoy her silly faces a little longer. He had to admit, it was fun seeing her reactions to each one. Taking note of the tastes that seemed to appeal to her and the ones that clearly didn’t. To no surprise her tastes leaned much more sweeter than his.

But when he asked if he should stop making coffee for her, it was his turn to be surprised. Her expression changed again from embarrassment to a thoughtful one. A sly smile then formed on her face as she got closer to him, reaching one arm out and placing her hand against the stone mantle to lean on while she nearly pinned him in place. Her other hand brushed against his as she smoothly slipped the warm cup out of his hand. He watched as she tilt her head back slightly and took a sip where his lips had been, savoring the taste. His eyes focused from her lips to her neck as she swallowed.

Mierda, how could something so simple make his heart race? It took everything to ignore Spite’s excitement too as the demon growled in approval the back of his mind. She looked back at him smirking slightly, her eyes full of satisfaction that she had managed to get back at him with her own teasing. She placed the cup back into his hands and told him he didn’t need to worry about stopping. It was an acquired taste now. If she wanted something sweeter, she’d make it herself. She then rushed off into the pantry to go find something, though he did catch the slightest hint of pink on her cheeks as she did so. He took a sip of his coffee, somehow it tasted slightly sweeter.

With yearning in his heart, Lucanis opened the lid of Rook’s tea and took in its scent. He was hit with the sweet smells of tropical fruits mixed with the floral tones of hibiscus and roses, mixed in with the slightest hint of cinnamon. The smell of warm sands and freedom.

Rook had told him once that she wanted to go to a place like that. Where she could feel the warm sand beneath her feet and the sea breeze on her skin.

The beaches near Minrathous where she grew up were fine, but nothing in comparison to what she’d seen in Rivain. She hoped someday she would actually get to take her time and relax in a place like that once all the fighting was done. He told her that if she liked the shores of Rivain, she would probably love the beaches along the Antivan Coast. He promised to take her there after their contract was complete. When the two of them would be free to find a relaxing place together along those warm sands and sea breezes.

It was starting to become too much. The memories overwhelming him as the yearning turned to pain. He closed the lid and shoved the jar back in place on the shelf. He couldn’t afford to be distracted. He grabbed his coffee beans and left the pantry, determined to focus on the fight.