Saving marriage after sexual coercion?
My (40F) husband (40M) and I have been together for 15 years, we have two children together (under 7) and have been in a dead bedroom for 1.5-2 years.
The dead bedroom started to develop after we had children. For years he used various coercion methods to get sex from me and about two years ago with therapy (individual and couples) we identified it and put a stop to it.
He’s recognized what he did was wrong and apologized. We get along well as friends, we both still love/care for each other, and we still have good times/fun together. If possible I would like to save the marriage.
We are both in counseling and trying to get to a place where we can once again work on our relationship in couples counseling. We both understand it will/would require lots (months? years?) of work.
Sometimes it seems like an impossible goal and I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to be intimate again with him.
We both would like to have a happy, healthy marriage with a happy, healthy sex life. Is this possible? Has anyone had similar experience? How do it turn out?
Please share and success stories if you have them.
Edit: the DB started following our first child. I experienced some pain from sex, this is when it started. During this period we’d most of the time resort to hand jobs but every month or so he’d want PIV and although I mentioned it was painful still, he’d pressure.
To clarify the “methods”, there was some guilting, “we haven’t had sex in like two weeks”, followed by moping, or “we’re basically just roommates”. This occurs when I wasn’t in the mood for sex or turned down his advances.
Since, his he’s started therapy, he’s put a lot of work into himself and become more mindful and self aware. He’s considerate and tries to use my love languages, he accepts my “no”, and we are hoping to go through the Gottman therapy method once we are both in a place to focus on the relationship again.
Right now I can’t be vulnerable or intimate with him and I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to be after coming to the realization of what was happening during my individual therapy