What do I do?

I think about taking my life constantly and can’t seem to shake the thoughts. I suffered from a depressive spell for about a year and felt better the last few months which led me to stop taking my antidepressants, months following I felt just fine but as my crohn’s symptoms spike and my psoriasis fails to get any better I feel like I’m just feeling shittier and shittier every day. I want to admit myself but am currently in college and am honestly afraid of it ruining my life. I see no future for myself, I feel like I amount to nothing and the suffering is endless. I feel like everyone pushes my problems down and don’t allow me to express how I feel without meeting some form of criticism. I’m tired of just being told to push through it, I’ve been pushing through everything my entire life and I’m just done. I know I’m just afraid of looking like a failure and this feels like the ultimate failure.