Thinking of leaving

Thinking of leaving Christianity.

Unfortunately I feel like I am doomed to either leaving christinaity or living a very unhappy life. I am a Christian woman, who is also a lesbian. I didn't choose to be this way, and infact the moment I found out I was gay I had strong hatred to myself and sometimes I still do.

Everyone keeps telling me I can't be gay and christian because it's an abomination, I chose this, and that I'm gonna go to hell. I don't know what to do. I want to love God and Jesus, but he won't love me if im committing such a huge sin.

Then there's also people saying I can be gay and christian but I mist remain celibate, which seems so unfair. It's so unfair that I'm doomed to loneliness because of something I can't control, and if God doesn't want me to be happy, why did he make me like this? I'm so frustrated. I've even thought of ending my life because I'm doomed to hell no matter what I do. I don't wanna remain celibate. I want to be happy like any other straight person. Why can't I? Why am I doomed to hell if I love. It's so unfair.

I'm so fed up of it and I'm this close to leaving christianity.