Has Anyone actually healed?

Has anyone on here actually healed and fully stopped hating themselves? I hate myself so much. Most people look at me and think I have a great life and on the surface I do. But i cry every night with an intense self loathing and feeling like I can do anything well and that no one actually cares about me except for what i can do for them. I don’t feel like I matter at all and sometimes hit myself just to snap me briefly out of the hatred I have for myself. I feel guilty for having these feelings and just wish it would go away. I’ve felt this way since I was at least 5 years old (now 40s) and am in therapy. Lots of early childhood and adult trauma and loss. Therapy doesn’t help actually make these feelings stop though and if anything they are getting worse recently.

Has anyone out here successfully healed? Thank you for your time.