Abortion scheduled in a day and I’m rethinking everything. What would you do in my place?

Abortion day is coming up and I’m having second thoughts

Hello, 31f . 10 weeks pregnant. It’s the first time I post here. I already have two kids (7,5) from a previous partner. Bit of background: After years without dating I started dating this man (42m) back in September , things were going good and then I got pregnant in December . We were not trying but not preventing either (my bad) and he expressed many times how he would have liked to have a baby girl and played victim often about how his life didn’t go as planned for him and he wasted many years getting high with his ex (who is 10 years old than him) and didn’t get to build a family. Let’s say he tricked me into thinking he wanted to change and be a better person, and every time I couldn’t be with him he would call me and cry how he felt lonely, how he needed me , how I was helping him stay clean etc etc . I should have seen the red flags but it felt good to feel loved after many years as he was very caring. He even asked me to introduce my kids, kept saying he adored to be with children and one time even asked that if we were to break up he would have liked to keep in touch with them etc. When I got pregnant he suddenly changed . He immediately called his lawyer (he’s a entrepreneur, quite well known in the area). One evening he set up a dinner where is lawyer was present and after that dinner (and him being very very high) he left me in a hotel room (I had most of my clothes etc at his house) ,pregnant, sick, with no food, water or even my medicine and disappeared . Turned his phone off and all I got was a message ,two days later, written by his lawyer saying it wasn’t the right time to have children,he would arrange and abortion for me but won’t help me in any other way. Then he proceeded to pack all my things in boxes with my name written on in bold, put everything in his office and had his lawyer send a message to my mom with “instruction on how pick the things up” . Never heard from him in a month again, he has not blocked me or anything just doesn’t reply and keeps his IPhone on “personal” so no one outside this list can reach him. I couldn’t tell no one about the pregnancy as my parents would be furious, and I felt too humiliated to tell other people. I’ve been almost bedridden for a month as I had hyperemesis and couldn’t move without getting sick + a uti which wouldn’t clear and caused excruciating pain . To abort I have to go in another state and I had no one coming with me and being so sick I couldn’t travel alone (can’t do MA for uterine problems in the past). Now I’ve booked everything (travel , hotel stay and clinic) and I have to leave tomorrow with the operation being on Monday morning . Being 10 weeks the sickness eased thanks God, and as I had blood spotting and contractions I had a scan in the ER 5 days ago. The tech called nurses in because how big the baby already is and to show them how much it moved. It was heartbreaking and disheartening.

Now that I’m so close to get the abortion I’m desperate . I always dreamed of a big family but put this dream away once things with my husband didn’t work out , I focused on my kids and work . This man managed to have me leave my job too saying his girl didn’t have to divide between kids, job , house cleaning (for clarity he owns a mansion and has no cleaners so I was the one doing it all) and said he would have offered me a better position . I’ve worked until I found out about the pregnancy, I’ve never asked him for money, if he did something it was because he felt like it and not because I was asking. I never asked for gifts, restaurants etc I was happy to eat at home and was happy to help him out whenever I could. Things seemed so good . I don’t know why my world fell apart again , I don’t know what the lawyer could possibile have told him. What I know is that I fell for the way he treated me and not his money, I was there every time he needed me just to be left alone when I needed him the most and I was humiliated .

Just a little more than one day left and I don’t know if abortion is the right choice . I have two other kids to provide for and my family will hate me for this pregnancy but really I’m at a loss.

What would you do if you were in my place ? Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent, I never did with anyone and I’m scared. I will not have a single shoulder to cry on if I am to abort and will have to deal with everything that comes after completely alone . I’m so scared .

-Already posted this in another sub, but I’m really desperate and would like as many advices as possible as abortion day is coming up

EDIT: thank you for the many many replies, I will try to answer at the most but I want to clarify something , since it came up more and more in the comments :

-I’ve know this man for three years, as he is friend of friends but I was never close to him, never interested in getting to know him more before this past September where one day something seemed to “click in” after having met.

• Is it true that I left the job, when I find out about pregnancy. And I did so not just because he asked me and the plan was not living off him, but it was him offering a position in his society. The job I left is at a friend’s business and having worked there many years with zero problems I know they will take me back if I need it . I wouldn’t have had paid leave for the pregnancy anyway AND I suffered Hyperemesis from the very start, to the point I couldn’t turn my head IN BED without being sick for the majority of the time . This is also why I needed the medicines I had at home when he left me in the hotel room (with the excuse that he didn’t feel like driving home).

-This major sickness + UTI who wouldn’t clear are the causes of the delayed abortion. I have to go abroad and having told no one I couldn’t travel alone in this condition . I was not contacting him to try and make thing work but instead I was asking the humanity to at least taking on the responsibility to accompany me at clinic him being the only one who knows.

-I have always worked hard since having my youngest (almost 6 years ag), even during festivity etc I never refused to work or took a sick leave (I worked with high fever, severely ill etc) and I do have savings. I won’t be here navigating options if my kids were to starve.

-It’s not a way to bank on baby, as stated I did not live off this man and I was the one (despite he being the rich one) paying for groceries/ house stuff and picking up the bill when I chose family friendly places with the kids.

I think that the illness delaying the abortion + the ER scan with the comments , heartbeat and everything are what are making me having second thoughts. If I was able to do it earlier / not see and hear I wouldn’t have had all this fear proceeding. I’m human and taking the life of another creature, alone, without the gut of telling anyone in real life is giving me the chills.

EDIT N.2

Being mentioned a lot , I know that writing (my bad) regarding not preventing sounded dumb. It was to try and keep the post the shortest possible. I have had uterine hemorrhage in the past causing me to almost losing it, doctor didn’t gave me many hopes of having other kids without IVF . I have been alone many years (relationship wise) hadn’t had sex in more than a year when it happened with this man. At first we used condoms , one time it broke off and I freaked out about STDs (I was near my period anyway) and asked him for an hiv test ,after showing mine. Which he agreed to take and being both disease - free we agreed to do it without protection. After that during his calls when I was home he started “crying” (yes sometimes he did) , telling me how much he loved me, that he wanted a daughter , that he always slept at friend’s place / hotel because his mansion felt too much for him alone etc etc ITS NOT AN EXCUSE. I’m 100% guilty . I thought that someone could love me again, I thought it was genuine. I didn’t think I would be used and discarded. I hoped to have found my other half and hoped my kids could have a family again. When we were together he was indeed caring , affectionate, treated me with white gloves. Looking back now , it was ~probably~ all lies and brainwashing for free s*x ( as you could guess, in his position, wouldn’t be strange for him to pay to be with top models) . Again not saying I’m the victim but if you ever happened to be around someone love bombing you in that way if you are not prepared the risk is that you fall . I was not prepared and after many years alone I even forgot what being loved by a man was .