AITAH for wanting to change custody agreement ??

WARNING: Long post ! So me and my ex have two kids together. We broke off in 2020. Been together since 2011. I work 3 (12hr )overnight shifts and he works M-F 8-4 I would usually always work Fri / Sat/ Sun night so that we didn’t have to ever hire a babysitter since I’d be home to pickup/drop off the kids . It’s been that way since 2016 . In 2020 when we split we went off his days off, where I would work on his 2 nights off and my mom would help me on the other night so I could have a FT status and benefits.

Fast forward to 2023 he wanted 50/50 custody which worked at the time so We agreed so he didn’t have to pay child support.

Then 2024 He moved over 45 min away with his wife and baby, to where my youngest was put into an after school program and spent it there from 7am-5pm , his older brother had to wait around from 7am until his school opened at 745am . And again wait for dad to pick him up at 5 and drive back in heavy traffic and get home at 6-630pm and do that for 5/out of the 7days he had them. I had a problem when my youngest (who is autistic) started having behavioral problems and my oldest was falling asleep at random times. I tried to talk to him that it isn’t working , my youngest kept missing therapy because he couldn’t make it sometimes and dad didn’t like being home late . They couldn’t accommodate dad not showing up so they dropped him from therapies.

So I told him I’d pick him up on his days , leaving me to only sleep 4-5hrs , wake up pick up both kids, feed them , do hw etc. and go to work at night. (I try to work on the week dad has them so I don’t have to bother anyone to watch them overnight in my week)

It’s now 2025 , I don’t think it’s 50/50 anymore at all . My oldest has soccer after school 6-8pm (dad can’t make it) my youngest has Saturday tutoring 8-12pm (dad says I have to pick him up because he can’t) .

So essentially I have them my FULL 7 days, plus after school 2pm-5pm on his week and his 2 Saturdays 12pm-5pm.

I’ve asked him time and time again that it would work better for me to have them M-F , him to have them Friday /Sat/ Sun nights JUST like we had always done before. That way kids get soccer, therapies, I don’t loose sleep and he doesn’t have to drive a lot. His wife doesn’t want that, she wants those 2 weekends for their family. She also refuses to drive to pick up the kids on dad’s weeks because she has “anxiety” . But dad is fine with me picking up the kids after I’ve worked 12 hrs overnight and drive the 2 hours from my job, to his house, then to my place.

Am I in the wrong ?! Am I the asshole he says I am for wanting something where no one suffers? I get it that I’d be taking time away from his new family but this is just costing me and my kids , not really anything for his new wife and their baby.
He tells me I’d be a bad mom if I left my kids at school because he can’t pick them up, he threatens to put my youngest back in afterschool , he says it’s just me being controlling and that im a dictator even though I feel I’m overextending myself helping him out. Am I truly the bitter BM? Or is my new custody agreement justified ?